© Cameron McNee
Musician and singer Sidney Packard shares their artistic journey which amplified their true identity.
“I’m Sidney Packard, a non-binary musician born and bred in London. I love making pop music, particularly synthpop and, more recently, disco. Growing up, I didn’t like myself much; I lacked confidence and had low self-esteem. However, making music and being creative has helped me find confidence and has allowed me to understand myself on a deeper level, and for that I am thankful.
I received an acoustic guitar from my parents in 2012 and started writing songs a few years later, publishing my first song online in January 2017. I wrote songs with chords on my guitar about boys in my school who I had a crush on. I still really connect to that sound and writing style even now, but I also knew I wanted to explore a different sound, one which the chords I was playing on my acoustic guitar weren’t giving me.
Sometime after finishing my studies and leaving a job, I worked with a producer on a song called ‘Your Secret’, a dark synthpop track. I remember thinking that I have to showcase my queerness, not just lightly hint at it with guitar chords and tender lyrics but really tap into it more fiercely. After making this song, I started identifying as non-binary and began to explore music production further on my own.
Creating music made me realise how owning and loving who I am is the key to my happiness and creative fulfilment. My songs explore all kinds of feelings, sometimes negative and dark. My song ‘Aphrodite’ is a good example of this. It includes feelings of envy which is an interesting emotion, it can illuminate things you secretly desire. I felt it growing up being around girls and liking many of the things they got to do, got to have, and wear but I couldn’t, because I was a boy. The presence of envy towards women illuminated that truth within me and made me realise I’m trans. So now I wear women’s clothes and I don’t really care anymore. I love halter tops and you can’t stop me!
© Cameron McNee
My new EP ‘Disco Sidney’ is inspired by disco music which I love so much. I started looking into the history of disco, its queerness, and the LGBTQ community in the 1970s. I’ve never released an EP or album before, so I thought it would be really cool to make my first-ever collection of songs in that genre, although I would say it’s more nu-disco or disco-pop.
My songs are both, empowering and flirtatious. ‘Ladyboy’ finds me reclaiming this term which is used in the UK in a usually derogatory way. I can relate to it though, as it contains both terms for women and men, which can be seen as non-binary and more inclusive. In the Khmer language, the original term ‘kathoey’ refers to someone assigned male at birth but expresses their gender in a feminine way. The regions of the world where the term comes from (Thailand, Cambodia, and Laos) are more accepting of transgender and queer people, perhaps due to Buddhism being the main religion.
‘Try Me On’ is a flirtatious disco track that taps into being empowered by my queerness and willingness to indulge in my sexuality. However, the lyrics also explore the negative aspects of relationships that I have as a queer person, such as the shame some men feel for dating me, the secrecy, and the use of the label ‘friends’ which is historically really common for queer people in romantic relationships. This shame around my romantic relationships honestly really hurts. I feel like I don’t get to be as proud of my romantic relationships as cisgender people do. I often wonder if I have to give up who I am to avoid societal shame, or if I should transition to a trans woman to ‘pass’ as a cis woman to reduce some of that shame for the man I’m dating.
© Sofia Salazar Studer
The music industry is notoriously quite difficult to be in, especially as an artist. However, it’s important to note that I wouldn’t be able to release music the way I want if it weren’t for recent advances in technology. I can produce and make music from my bedroom using my computer, which wouldn’t have been possible 30 years ago. Back then, you had to be chosen by a major record label who thought you could make them profit, and let’s be honest - they wouldn’t bring me on board. I would’ve had to do something similar to George Michael and hide my queerness initially until I was successful enough to truly be myself.
Representation is needed to make the music industry more diverse. I’ve been submitting my music to the UK’s main radio company’s music submission platform for the past 5 years without success. Perhaps my music’s just bad, however, I can’t help thinking that maybe I’m just a bit too queer for them.”
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